Can issues outgrow our want or ability to be truly creative and inspired? Oh, yes. Double yes. I am currently in what people will call a “rut”, but that’s not it at all. What it is, is an issue that spiralled to the point where I can’t find myself anymore. Have you ever gone through this? Here’s what happened to me and how I could have avoided it. Sometimes all it takes is to be honest with yourself.
I Limit WillowSeed
WillowSeed is a place where I want us all to feel safe. Yet I never allow myself to give away anything that affects me to create. Where I wanted this website to be purely for the purpose of a creative outlet, I realised it needs to be more. WillowSeed is not a business. It is a big part of my life. However, I don’t treat it as such, since I never share anything that touches my life with you. Therefore, from now on I will also share with you the frustrations, happiness and sadness that bring forth my work.
Not So Great a Day
Here is my honest problem. If you don’t want to know, you can skip to the “lesson” at the end “Allowing Honesty to Take Hold”. There is a point to this post, really. You can always read through and see what you can learn from my “doggy”-issue, as this can be applied to many other situations.
Noticing the problem
The world has many issues, which is why it always makes it feel unnecessary to make a fuss about something rather small. My life is great. I have food, water and a family. Yet it doesn’t mean everything is always perfect. Brendan and I wanted a dog for a long time, and we finally got one more than a year ago. From day one I realised it had been a mistake and that where I love dogs, I can’t deal with having one.
What not to do
But even though every part of me was yelling at me to take him back to the previous owner, I rather looked up on the all-knowing internet for answers (you do that too, right). I came across plenty of “Puppy Blues”-articles, explaining that if you hold out for six months, you will never look back.
Silly me believed this and pushed through. We trained him until he was so well-behaved that we couldn’t believe he was just a puppy. Really, I’ve never seen such a well-behaved puppy in my life. Now, it’s been over a year and I am still looking up what I can do to help me cope with having a dog.
If I have acted when I knew it wasn’t working, we wouldn’t be in an even worse situation. Since we have all grown accustomed to each other and we have grown very much attached, it will be ten times harder to do what needs to be done. We will try our best to find him a great home, but we know we (Brendan, myself and our dog) will never be the same again. It’s heartbreaking.
So, what’s the golden answer?
The thing is, there is no answer. Everything people say I should do, I have done. My problem isn’t a dog that has many issues. My problem is that I have issues. Sometimes things won’t work no matter how hard you try. Sometimes everyone around you will make you feel terrible for your decision. Sometimes they will be so understanding that it makes you feel like they should hate you.
What was my answer?
Many things led to our decision. We have had a very rough year regarding this issue. I have had many downs and when I wasn’t down, it was because I occupied my mind with mindless entertainment. The less I thought, the less I felt the unhappy pang. After we decided we are going to put the dog in the kennel for 2 days while we go see snow (an upcoming post, I believe), I looked forward more to the day without the dog than I did to the vacation. I also fretted the day we go to pick him up again.
This is normal for me since we got him, but today it took it out of me so much that I couldn’t find the energy to do anything. I sat staring at nothing, wondering how I will do this for the next 16 years. I don’t want to wish my or my dog’s life away, but I was. And that is not okay.
Since I didn’t learn my lesson, and since internet help can still be useful, I went online again. I need to feel that this is the right decision for us. I found this post, which helped me realise that it is okay for me to rehome my dog. I believed myself selfish for not sticking it through, but the post explains that sometimes one side asks too much and holds the other hostage. This is exactly how I feel.
What’s the point?
Sometimes it doesn’t work, and that’s okay. What we need to do, is to notice the problem, understand it is there and deal with it in a proper fashion. Be honest with yourself. If I had been from the start, many things would have been different. I’m hoping that we will be one of those stories where the other person adopts our dog and silently thank us for giving him up, as he is now his best friend. It’s almost as if one person’s troubles, hard choices and heartbreak can lead to someone else’s happiness… but in a less sadistic manner.
Allowing Honesty to Take Hold
Thus to end this rambling, remember that we need to be honest with ourselves. Part of understanding ourselves, our work and our actions lay in this honesty. If something is bothering you, accept it, but don’t become passive about it. Your issue might just grow out of proportion and become too much to handle. Sometimes being creative can’t fix everything, however it is nice to find comfort in it when we know we are trying to fix it.
I hope we can all find our own bit of peace and find our motivation to give life our best! Is there something bothering you? Let’s talk about it in the comment section.